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"A psych patient listed her allergies as "rock and roll, AC/DC, penicillin, cotton, and FIRE".
#595 (0) - Oct 1, 2009 04:39 AM by Ash"
Ash -- http://www.ertards.com/view/Complete_Idiots/595 (10/1/2009)
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"Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them."
Unknown
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Litany Against Fear "The litany against fear is an incantation used by the Bene Gesserit to focus their minds and calm themselves in times of peril. The litany is as follows:
I must not fear
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."
-- Dune
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Smelly "It smells like Bigfoot's dick."
StellaLunatik -- Fark (July 31, 2009)
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Lesbian Joke 1 "What do you call a pantry full of lesbians?
A licker cabinet."
Unknown
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Lesbian Joke 12 "What's the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?
One's a snack cracker, the other's a crack snacker."
Unknown
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Lesbian Joke 13 "What do you have when you've got 50 lesbians and 50 state workers?
100 people that don't do dick."
Unknown
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Lesbian Joke 2 "What do you call an Eskimo lesbian? ...
A Klondyke."
Unknown
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Lesbian Joke 3 "What do you call 100 lesbians with guns?
Militia Etheridge."
Unknown
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Lesbian Joke 4 "Why can't lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time?
Because they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face."
Unknown
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Lesbian Joke 6 "What is a lesbian dinosaur called? ....
A Lickalotapuss."
Unknown
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Lesbian Joke 7 "What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?
Well Hung."
Unknown
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Lesbian Joke 8 "Did you hear that Ellen DeGeneres drowned?
She was found face down in Ricki Lake."
Unknown
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Lesbian Joke 5 "What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders."
Unknown
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Lesbian Joke 9 "How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
Even the pool table doesn't have balls."
Unknown
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Lesbian Joke 10 "What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-a-likes."
Unknown
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Lesbian Joke 11 "What's the definition of confusion?
Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market."
Unknown
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"63. The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment."
George Carlin
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"75. I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it."
George Carlin
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"76. Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin’ ready to hang himself."
George Carlin
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"77. The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it."
George Carlin
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"78. If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends."
George Carlin
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"81. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit."
George Carlin
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"82. “No comment” is a comment."
George Carlin
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"65. The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music."
George Carlin
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