Quote of the Day

Search the Daily Quote Database

You may search our entire quotation repository using this form. Restricting your search to various categories or by date will often speed up your search and return a more pertinent result set.




     (Date Format YYYY-MM-DD)



     

"A bumblebee is faster than a John Deere tractor"

Unknown

  Category: Cowboy Wisdom

Results Returned:  74

The following quotes appear under the "Funny" category:

""Enquiry of learned Physicians, Chemists, &c. of this enlightened Age. It is universally well known, That in digesting our common Food, there is created or produced in the Bowels of human Creatures, a great Quantity of Wind.""

Benjamin Franklin -- Pamphlet called "Fart Proudly."

Submitted by: Admin /  2018-01-24   Category: Funny

"Half the people you know are below average."

Steven Wright

Submitted by: Admin /  2018-02-16   Category: Funny

"If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain."

Steven Wright

Submitted by: Admin /  2018-02-16   Category: Funny

"All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand."

Steven Wright

Submitted by: Admin /  2018-02-16   Category: Funny

"OK, so what's the speed of dark?"

Steven Wright

Submitted by: Admin /  2018-02-16   Category: Funny

"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."

Steven Wright

Submitted by: Admin /  2018-02-16   Category: Funny

"I intend to live forever ... So far, so good."

Steven Wright

Submitted by: Admin /  2018-02-16   Category: Funny

"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"

Steven Wright

Submitted by: Admin /  2018-02-16   Category: Funny

"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it."

Steven Wright

Submitted by: Admin /  2018-02-16   Category: Funny

"The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread."

Steven Wright

Submitted by: Admin /  2018-02-16   Category: Funny

"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard."

Steven Wright

Submitted by: Admin /  2018-02-16   Category: Funny

"The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it."

Steven Wright

Submitted by: Admin /  2018-02-16   Category: Funny

"If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?"

Steven Wright

Submitted by: Admin /  2018-02-16   Category: Funny

"If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum"

George Muncaster (Air Force Wisdom)

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain."

Robert Frost

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears."

Geri Jewell

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."

Erma Bombeck

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them."

Bill Vaughan

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."

Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping."

Rita Rudner

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies."

Woody Allen

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."

Albert Einstein

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"The fact that no one understands you doesn't make you an artist."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

Daily Quote
Listings (456)
Categories (11)
Search Quotes
Add a Quote
Random Image
1966-misc_(2).jpg
Daily Quote

"55. In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem."

George Carlin

Submitted by: gtgillis / 2007-05-13
Category: George Carlin Top 101 Jokes

Upcoming Events
There are no upcoming events