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Results Returned: 74
The following quotes appear under the "Funny" category:
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""Enquiry of learned Physicians, Chemists, &c. of this enlightened Age. It is universally well known, That in digesting our common Food, there is created or produced in the Bowels of human Creatures, a great Quantity of Wind.""
Benjamin Franklin -- Pamphlet called "Fart Proudly."
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"Half the people you know are below average."
Steven Wright
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"If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain."
Steven Wright
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"All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand."
Steven Wright
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"OK, so what's the speed of dark?"
Steven Wright
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"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."
Steven Wright
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"I intend to live forever ... So far, so good."
Steven Wright
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"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"
Steven Wright
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"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it."
Steven Wright
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"The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread."
Steven Wright
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"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard."
Steven Wright
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"The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it."
Steven Wright
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"If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?"
Steven Wright
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"If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum"
George Muncaster (Air Force Wisdom)
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"A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain."
Robert Frost
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"You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears."
Geri Jewell
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"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."
Erma Bombeck
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"Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them."
Bill Vaughan
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"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic."
Unknown
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"Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have."
Unknown
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"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."
Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
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"My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping."
Rita Rudner
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"Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies."
Woody Allen
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"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."
Albert Einstein
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"The fact that no one understands you doesn't make you an artist."
Unknown
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