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"If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?"
Steven Wright
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"The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it."
Steven Wright
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"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard."
Steven Wright
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"The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread."
Steven Wright
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"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it."
Steven Wright
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"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"
Steven Wright
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"I intend to live forever ... So far, so good."
Steven Wright
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"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."
Steven Wright
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"OK, so what's the speed of dark?"
Steven Wright
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"All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand."
Steven Wright
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"If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain."
Steven Wright
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"Half the people you know are below average."
Steven Wright
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""Enquiry of learned Physicians, Chemists, &c. of this enlightened Age. It is universally well known, That in digesting our common Food, there is created or produced in the Bowels of human Creatures, a great Quantity of Wind.""
Benjamin Franklin -- Pamphlet called "Fart Proudly."
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"Surgery is really just a very accurate stabbing."
Unknown
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"War is never imperative."
Dr. Leonard 'Bones' McCoy -- Balance of Terror (Stardate 1709.2)
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"Truth suffers from too much analysis."
Ancient Fremen Saying
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"Blast medicine anyway! We've learned to tie into every organ in the human body but one. The brain! The brain is what life is all about."
Dr. Leonard 'Bones' McCoy -- The Menagerie (Stardate 3012.4)
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"... bacteriological warfare ... hard to believe we were once foolish enough to play around with that."
Dr. Leonard 'Bones' McCoy -- The Omega Glory (Stardate Unknown)
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"Killing is stupid; useless!"
Dr. Leonard 'Bones' McCoy -- A Private Little War (Stardate 4211.8)
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"I've already got a female to worry about. Her name is the Enterprise."
Captian James T. Kirk -- The Corbomite Maneuver (Stardate 1514.0)
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"Hope clouds observation."
Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam
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"Creative anarchy is the path to survival in this universe."
Ixian Philosophy
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"Beware jargon. It usually hides ignorance and carries little knowledge."
The Coda
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"Do not depend only on theory if your life is at stake."
Bene Gesserit Commentary
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"Above all else, the mentat must be a generalist, not a specialist. It is wise to have decisions of great moment monitored by generalists. Experts and specialists lead you quickly into chaos. They are a source of useless nit - picking, the ferocious quibble over a comma."
The Mentat Handbook
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