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"Half the people you know are below average."
Steven Wright
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"If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain."
Steven Wright
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"All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand."
Steven Wright
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"OK, so what's the speed of dark?"
Steven Wright
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"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."
Steven Wright
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"I intend to live forever ... So far, so good."
Steven Wright
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"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"
Steven Wright
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"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it."
Steven Wright
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"The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread."
Steven Wright
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"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard."
Steven Wright
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"The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it."
Steven Wright
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"If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?"
Steven Wright
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""Enquiry of learned Physicians, Chemists, &c. of this enlightened Age. It is universally well known, That in digesting our common Food, there is created or produced in the Bowels of human Creatures, a great Quantity of Wind.""
Benjamin Franklin -- Pamphlet called "Fart Proudly."
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"Surgery is really just a very accurate stabbing."
Unknown
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"It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of Sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion."
Piter De Vries
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"We Fremen have a saying: "God created Arakis to train the faithful." One cannot go against the word of God."
Paul Atreides
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"You have no need for your weapons with me, Gurney Halleck."
Paul Atreides
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"Behold, as a wild ass in the desert, go I forth to my work."
Gurney Halleck
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"The slow blade penetrates the shield."
Gurney Halleck
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"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when my fear is gone I will turn and face fear's path, and only I will remain."
Paul Atreides
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"Tell me of your homeworld, Usul."
Chani
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"I knew Yueh's wife. I was the one who broke his Imperial conditioning. I've thought of many pleasures with you. It is perhaps better that you die in the innards of a worm. Desire clouds my reason. That is not good. That is bad."
Piter De Vries
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"Who is the little one, a pet perhaps? Will she deserve my special attentions?"
Feyd-Rautha
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"I'll miss the sea, but a person needs new experiences. They jar something deep inside, allowing him to grow. Without change something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken."
Duke Leto Atreides
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"He who controls the Spice, controls the universe!"
Baron Harkonnen
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