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"If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum"
George Muncaster (Air Force Wisdom)
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"A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain."
Robert Frost
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"You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears."
Geri Jewell
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"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."
Erma Bombeck
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"Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them."
Bill Vaughan
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"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic."
Unknown
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"Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have."
Unknown
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"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."
Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
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"My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping."
Rita Rudner
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"Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies."
Woody Allen
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"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."
Albert Einstein
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"The fact that no one understands you doesn't make you an artist."
Unknown
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"People who never get carried away should be."
Malcolm Forbes
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"When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would be taken"
Unknown
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"The shortest distance between two points is under construction."
Noelie Altito
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"I don't intend for this to take on a political tone. I'm just here for the drugs."
Nancy Reagan, former First Lady
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"I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ...I'd have nothing to play with."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"I just thought of something funny...your mother."
Cheech Marin
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"Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother."
Ken Dodd
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"One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear"
J.B. Morton
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"My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil"
Paul Getty
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"I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
Douglas Adams, Author, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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Title "Remember, the Force will be with you always."
Obi-Wan Kenobi -- Source
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"We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life."
C-3PO
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"I've just about had enough of you. Go that way. You'll be malfunctioning within a day, you near-sighted scrap pile. And don't let me catch you following me begging for help because you won't get it."
C-3PO
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