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"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
Sharon Stone
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"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)
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"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson
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"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
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"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams
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"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
Roseanne
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"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
Billy Crystal
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"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful"
Robert De Niro
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"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman
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"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
Jerry Seinfeld
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"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
Rod Stewart
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"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams
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Good Point "A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage: "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic... "Try doing it with the engine running.""
Unknown
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"work is punishment for failing to procrastinate effectively"
from Bash.org -- Bash.org
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"Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled"
Unknown
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"Meanness don't happen overnight"
Unknown
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"Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads"
Unknown
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"Don't sell your mule to buy a plow"
Unknown
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"Don't corner something meaner than you"
Unknown
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"It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge"
Unknown
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"You can't unsay a cruel thing"
Unknown
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"When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty."
Unknown
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"The best sermons are lived, not preached"
Unknown
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"Most of the stuff people worry about never happens"
Unknown
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"Don't squat with your spurs on"
Unknown
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