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"85. Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying."
George Carlin
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"86. So far, this is the oldest I’ve been."
George Carlin
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"87. Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck."
George Carlin
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"88. Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?"
George Carlin
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"89. When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to."
George Carlin
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"90. The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren’t quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice."
George Carlin
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"91. I think I am, therefore, I am. I think."
George Carlin
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"92. If the cops didn’t see it, I didn’t do it!"
George Carlin
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"93. Hooray for most things!"
George Carlin
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"94. Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff."
George Carlin
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"95. I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights."
George Carlin
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"96. What was the best thing before sliced bread?"
George Carlin
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"97. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."
George Carlin
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"98. Life is a zero sum game."
George Carlin
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"99. Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer."
George Carlin
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"100. I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it."
George Carlin
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"101. It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory."
George Carlin
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"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy"
Tom Clancy
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"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
Steve Martin
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"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
Woody Allen
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"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
Lynn Lavner
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"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."
Matt Barry
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"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
Camille Paglia
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"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
George Burns
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