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"Do not depend only on theory if your life is at stake."

Bene Gesserit Commentary

  Category: Dune

Results Returned:  74

The following quotes appear under the "Funny" category:

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."

Steve Martin

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."

Rodney Dangerfield

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."

Lynn Lavner

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."

Matt Barry

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."

Camille Paglia

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."

George Burns

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."

Sharon Stone

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."

Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."

Jack Nicholson

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."

Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."

Robin Williams

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."

Roseanne

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

Billy Crystal

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful"

Robert De Niro

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"

Dustin Hoffman

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."

Jerry Seinfeld

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."

Rod Stewart

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

Robin Williams

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"Don't cheat, steal, or lie... But if you must cheat, cheat death... if you must steal, steal time... and if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2010-05-27   Category: Funny

Lesbian Joke 12

"What's the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian? One's a snack cracker, the other's a crack snacker."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2008-03-05   Category: Funny

Lesbian Joke 13

"What do you have when you've got 50 lesbians and 50 state workers? 100 people that don't do dick."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2008-03-05   Category: Funny

Lesbian Joke 1

"What do you call a pantry full of lesbians? A licker cabinet."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2008-03-05   Category: Funny

Lesbian Joke 2

"What do you call an Eskimo lesbian? ... A Klondyke."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2008-03-05   Category: Funny

Lesbian Joke 3

"What do you call 100 lesbians with guns? Militia Etheridge."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2008-03-05   Category: Funny

Lesbian Joke 4

"Why can't lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time? Because they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2008-03-05   Category: Funny

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"50. One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired."

George Carlin

Submitted by: gtgillis / 2007-05-13
Category: George Carlin Top 101 Jokes

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