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"27. I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary."

George Carlin

  Category: George Carlin Top 101 Jokes

Results Returned:  74

The following quotes appear under the "Funny" category:

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

Billy Crystal

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful"

Robert De Niro

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"

Dustin Hoffman

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."

Jerry Seinfeld

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."

Rod Stewart

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

Robin Williams

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

"Don't cheat, steal, or lie... But if you must cheat, cheat death... if you must steal, steal time... and if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2010-05-27   Category: Funny

Lesbian Joke 12

"What's the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian? One's a snack cracker, the other's a crack snacker."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2008-03-05   Category: Funny

Lesbian Joke 13

"What do you have when you've got 50 lesbians and 50 state workers? 100 people that don't do dick."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2008-03-05   Category: Funny

Lesbian Joke 1

"What do you call a pantry full of lesbians? A licker cabinet."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2008-03-05   Category: Funny

Lesbian Joke 2

"What do you call an Eskimo lesbian? ... A Klondyke."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2008-03-05   Category: Funny

Lesbian Joke 3

"What do you call 100 lesbians with guns? Militia Etheridge."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2008-03-05   Category: Funny

Lesbian Joke 4

"Why can't lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time? Because they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2008-03-05   Category: Funny

Lesbian Joke 5

"What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? Fur Traders."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2008-03-05   Category: Funny

Lesbian Joke 6

"What is a lesbian dinosaur called? .... A Lickalotapuss."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2008-03-05   Category: Funny

Lesbian Joke 7

"What do you call a lesbian with long fingers? Well Hung."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2008-03-05   Category: Funny

Lesbian Joke 8

"Did you hear that Ellen DeGeneres drowned? She was found face down in Ricki Lake."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2008-03-05   Category: Funny

Lesbian Joke 9

"How can you tell a tough lesbian bar? Even the pool table doesn't have balls."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2008-03-05   Category: Funny

Lesbian Joke 10

"What do you call lesbian twins? Lick-a-likes."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2008-03-05   Category: Funny

Lesbian Joke 11

"What's the definition of confusion? Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2008-03-05   Category: Funny

"A psych patient listed her allergies as "rock and roll, AC/DC, penicillin, cotton, and FIRE". #595 (0) - Oct 1, 2009 04:39 AM by Ash"

Ash -- http://www.ertards.com/view/Complete_Idiots/595  (10/1/2009)

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2009-10-05   Category: Funny

"Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2009-10-05   Category: Funny

"Some People Are Like Slinkies. They're Not Really Good For Anything, But They Bring a Smile To Your Face When Pushed Down The Stairs."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2010-06-01   Category: Funny

"Surgery is really just a very accurate stabbing."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2014-03-04   Category: Funny

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"Creative anarchy is the path to survival in this universe."

Ixian Philosophy

Submitted by: gtgillis / 2013-11-20
Category: Dune

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