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"Meanness don't happen overnight"

Unknown

  Category: Cowboy Wisdom

Results Returned:  61

The following quotes appear under the "Funny" category:

"If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum"

George Muncaster (Air Force Wisdom)

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain."

Robert Frost

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears."

Geri Jewell

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."

Erma Bombeck

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them."

Bill Vaughan

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."

Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping."

Rita Rudner

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies."

Woody Allen

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."

Albert Einstein

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"The fact that no one understands you doesn't make you an artist."

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"People who never get carried away should be."

Malcolm Forbes

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would be taken"

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"The shortest distance between two points is under construction."

Noelie Altito

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"I don't intend for this to take on a political tone. I'm just here for the drugs."

Nancy Reagan, former First Lady

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ...I'd have nothing to play with."

Rodney Dangerfield

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"I just thought of something funny...your mother."

Cheech Marin

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother."

Ken Dodd

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear"

J.B. Morton

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

"My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil"

Paul Getty

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2004-11-11   Category: Funny

Smelly

"It smells like Bigfoot's dick."

StellaLunatik -- Fark  (July 31, 2009)

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2009-07-31   Category: Funny

"work is punishment for failing to procrastinate effectively"

from Bash.org -- Bash.org

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2005-06-30   Category: Funny

Good Point

"A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage: "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?" The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic... "Try doing it with the engine running.""

Unknown

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-23   Category: Funny

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy"

Tom Clancy

Submitted by: gtgillis /  2006-08-25   Category: Funny

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"A lot of people now find belief in God immature, and eventually a lot of people may find realism immature."

Richard Rorty

Submitted by: gtgillis / 2004-11-03
Category: Miscellany

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